Why doesn’t he/she write back? The 5 most common reasons why someone unexpectedly cuts off contact with you

Glam Style
6 min readJun 14, 2022


Why doesn’t he/she write back — this is a question we all ask ourselves sometimes. Another wonderful meeting is behind you. You are looking forward to a message, but the only thing waiting for you instead is… deafening silence.

[Photo by George Dolgikh @ Giftpundits.com from Pexels]

There are times when we exceptionally appreciate being single. This state undoubtedly has a lot of advantages (among others, that is why more and more people decide for this solution). However, when you live alone, it happens that at some stage you simply start to miss something. Although it’s not always that simple — you give yourself (and someone else) a chance, trying to build a new relationship. You want to trust again, so… you fall into the dating vortex. One romantic dinner, the cinema, the theater, a walk…

But in order not to hurt yourself and to take proper care of your mental hygiene, you have to be prepared for different scenarios. You probably already know that meetings with people you’ve met through dating apps (but not only) often turn out to be total failures. And when you finally think you’ve met someone absolutely special… he/she suddenly stops writing you back. Why is he/she silent when it was supposed to be so beautiful? And how to cope with such situations and come out of them unscathed? We suggest.

Why he/she does not write back: Ghosting

All signs on heaven and earth say that he/she cared about you more than the average. He went to great lengths every day to show you how important you are to him, then disappeared without a word, melted away. Sound familiar? Probably everyone has either experienced a similar story firsthand, or it has affected someone in their circle of loved ones.

One of the reasons for sudden non-writing and abrupt termination of contact may be, widely reported recently, a popular (and insanely cruel) dating trend called ghosting. You should also know that there is already another variation of it, lightghosting. It consists in the fact that once in a while the disappearing person decides to remind us about himself (a hook on Instagram, a short text message at bedtime, a noncommittal phone call). According to many people, this phenomenon is much worse and makes it much more difficult to cut off the toxic.

[Photo by Alok Sharma from Pexels]

Why he/she doesn’t write back: lack of time/ random situations

Of course, a lot depends on the stage of your relationship. It is very possible that (probably based on your poor past experiences) you are reacting emotionally and taking hasty steps. We are nowadays accustomed to having the other person almost “at our fingertips” (or rather, our phones). However, you shouldn’t expect that after a few meetings or days of acquaintance the other person will write us back in a flash. It’s also worth remembering that everyone leads a slightly different lifestyle, and we often have extremely different attitudes towards using instant messaging.

If you are just getting to know each other and he doesn’t reply to your messages, don’t panic right away. Take care of yourself. Give yourself (and him) a few days. Maybe something absorbing/extremely important has actually happened in his life? History knows of instances where someone very close to a person became ill, which temporarily shut them out of life completely. The sobs, stress and readiness for a fight on the part of the woman waiting for a dynamic response were completely unnecessary. Surely in such situations it is worth giving the other person another chance. It is also a good moment to inform her about your expectations in case of similar stories in the future. After all, sometimes one short message is enough.

However, if the lack of contact persists or repeats, you are most likely dealing with a toxic person. What to do in this situation? Protect yourself and don’t get emotionally involved in this relationship, which — sooner or later — will most likely end anyway.

Another situation that should arouse our vigilance is when someone was available all the time at the previous stage of the relationship, and then suddenly changed it by 180 degrees. Then it is worth (trying to) talk to him/her about your fears and dispel possible doubts.

[Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels]

Why he/she doesn’t write back: he/she is afraid to tell you the truth

You’re just not the type of person who probably doesn’t know how to tell you the truth. For some people, making sure that no one around them is sorry is important, so much so that they are unable to openly express what they are thinking. This is a vicious circle, of course, and this kind of behavior actually causes the other person far more suffering than playing open cards and having a painful but brief moment of honesty. However, breaking contact by not being able to tell the other person that you’re not interested in them is another extremely common occurrence.

Why he/she doesn’t write back: he/she leaves himself/herself a wicket to get back to you

As above — does he/she only get back to you when he/she is having a bad time and feeling lonely? Or maybe he/she writes back in a perfunctory and irregular way, sometimes showing great interest in you, other times ignoring you completely? Do you know that feeling when you can’t concentrate on anything around you because you’re thinking again and again about why he/she isn’t writing back? Chances are you’re dealing with an emotionally immature man who will periodically throw you into a total rollercoaster… if you let him or her. Our advice? Run away.

[Photo by Limon Das from Pexels]

Why doesn’t he/she write back: he/she just wants everything

There is a good chance that you are not the only woman in this person’s life. Perhaps a previous, unfinished relationship is involved. Or maybe just the “disappearing type” simply can’t keep up with writing you back regularly? After all, it’s not so fast when you lead several parallel lives. As above — try to approach the topic with common sense. If, apart from the regular lack of contact, your doubts are also aroused by other issues, you should trust your intuition (we do it far too rarely).

However, before you start floating all sorts of conspiracy theories, keep a sober mind. Do not act on impulse. It is possible that the other person is temporarily busy. You’ll also admit that it’s not much of a drama when someone disappears from your life after just one meeting. Apparently, the “disappearing type” wasn’t meant for you.

Don’t let situations when a person suddenly disappears repeat on a regular basis. Remember that in such moments, your health is the most important thing. If you feel that this relationship is overwhelming you, it is a good idea to seek support from a professional and talk to a psychologist about it.



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